Cunning, Baffling, Powerful

I've been chipping away at the 3rd list on my fourth step just a little bit each every couple of days.   I've been reading the daily reflection almost every day.  I've been making one meeting a week.  The thing I see is I'm finally over the hump.  I'm past the point of indecision.  Now that I'm committed, I'm starting to see little changes in my routine, little changes in my perspective, and a willingness to own up to my shortcomings as they manifest and make "amends" before the guilt/shame/pressure/anxiety builds up. I'm NOT a posterchild for AA.  My bottom was not very low, and my progress has not been meteoric. If I run into people I haven't seen for years, they simple say "You look good.  You look happy."  That's enough for me.  There is no radical transformation, largely because I've been I've been putting in work at a glacial pace.  Put there is progress, and my belief is that for an ADHD guy like me, the longe...

"BY FAITH AND BY WORKS" On anvils of experience, the structure of our Society was hammered out. . . . Thus has it been with A.A. By faith and by works we have been able to build upon the lessons of an incredible experience. They live today in the Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous, which — God willing — shall sustain us in unity for so long as He may need us. — TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 131 God has allowed me the right to be wrong in order for our Fellowship to exist as it does today. If I place God's will first in my life, it is very likely that A.A. as I know it today will remain as it is. Today's reflection is focused pretty intently on the nature of the AA fellowship. As I read this, I look for the parts that apply to my life. It reminds me of the quotes I've read recently that there are no mistakes/failures.  Only success, and learning.  So long as I learn what went awry, why, and how I can STOP getting in my own way, then mista...

AN OPEN MIND True humility and an open mind can lead us to faith, . . . — TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 33 My alcoholic thinking led me to believe that I could control my drinking, but I couldn't. When I came to A.A., I realized that God was speaking to me through my group. My mind was open just enough to know that I needed His help. A real, honest acceptance of A.A. took more time, but with it came humility. I know how insane I was, and I am extremely grateful to have my sanity restored to me and to be a sober alcoholic. The new, sober me is a much better person than I ever could have been without A.A. Just yesterday, after my meeting, I was telling a friend how it never ceases to amaze me that I'll have a question on my mind or have a thought I'm struggling with, and I hear my answer either in the reading we cover or in someone's sharing during the meeting. God has consistently guided me through the words of others who are sharing from their heart.  ...

Our first objective will be the development of self-restraint. — TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 91 My drive to work provides me with an opportunity for self-examination. One day while making this trip, I began to review my progress in sobriety, and was not happy with what I saw. I hoped that, as the work day progressed, I would forget these troublesome thoughts, but as one disappointment after another kept coming, my discontent only increased, and the pressures within me kept mounting. I retreated to an isolated table in the lounge, and asked myself how I could make the most of the rest of the day. In the past, when things went wrong, I instinctively wanted to fight back. But during the short time I had been trying to live the A.A. program I had learned to step back and take a look at myself. I recognized that, although I was not the person I wanted to be, I had learned to not react in my old ways. Those old patterns of behavior only brought sorrow and hurt, to me and t...

SERENITY AFTER THE STORM Someone who knew what he was talking about once remarked that pain was the touchstone of all spiritual progress. How heartily we A.A.'s can agree with him. . . . — TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 93-94 When on the roller coaster of emotional turmoil, I remember that growth is often painful. My evolution in the A.A. program has taught me that I must experience the inner change, however painful, that eventually guides me from selfishness to selflessness. If I am to have serenity, I must STEP my way past emotional turmoil and its subsequent hangover, and be grateful for continuing spiritual progress. Man, I've been avoiding so much lately.  I've been avoiding the rest of step 4. Avoiding people I have  let down, no matter how small, and avoiding things like completing my home office.  I've been avoiding the pain of continued spiritual growth. I reached my point of desperation a few years ago and the pain of staying where I was...