Cunning, Baffling, Powerful

GIVING IT AWAY Though they knew they must help other alcoholics if they would remain sober, that motive became secondary. It was transcended by the happiness they found in giving themselves for others. — ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 159 Those words, for me, refer to a transference of power, through which God, as I understand Him, enters my life. Through prayer and meditation, I open channels, then I establish and improve my conscious contact with God. Through action I then receive the power I need to maintain my sobriety each day. By maintaining my spiritual condition, by giving away what has been so freely given to me, I am granted a daily reprieve. Alcohol has always been a secondary issue for me.  It is my mind and the weight of my self-loathing that drove me to do the negative things that I've done. But  the truth of today's reading applies to me as fully as it does to anyone else. The more I pray each day to be directed by God's will, to have the courage to act on t...

BRINGING THE MESSAGE HOME Can we bring the same spirit of love and tolerance into our sometimes deranged family lives that we bring to our A.A. group? — TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp.111-12 My family members suffer from the effects of my disease. Loving and accepting them as they arejust as I love and accept A.A. members—fosters a return of love, tolerance and harmony to my life. Using common courtesy and respecting others' personal boundaries are necessary practices for all areas of my life. This one is tough for me.  It isn't hard to love my family as they are, and it isn't  hard to respect their boundaries.  The issue is with those who not only don't respect my boundaries, but actively seek to trample them.   I love them, but I also respect myself and have chosen to no longer spend time with them unless there is a larger extended family get-together. I got tired of hearing all of the following: You were more fun when you drank. I like you b...

A LOOK BACKWARD First, we take a look backward and try to discover where we have been at fault; next we make a vigorous attempt to repair the damage we have done; . . . — TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77 As a traveler on a fresh and exciting A.A. journey of recovery, I experienced a newfound peace of mind and the horizon appeared clear and bright, rather than obscure and dim. Reviewing my life to discover where I had been at fault seemed to be such an arduous and dangerous task. It was painful to pause and look backward. I was afraid I might stumble! Couldn't I put the past out of my mind and just live in my new golden present? I realized that those in the past whom I had harmed stood between me and my desire to continue my movement toward serenity. I had to ask for courage to face those persons from my life who still lived in my conscience, to recognize and deal with the guilt that their presence produced in me. I had to look at the damage I had done, and become wi...

I can tell something is different inside me. I can't quantify it yet, but I can just about describe it.  I'm making steady progress on my step 4 lists, and for the first time in my life, I'm being 100% honest. I'm talking about things I had planned on taking to my grave. I had buried them so deep that I had forgotten about them. Maybe not forgotten, as I can feel the ugly ripple effects from time to time, but I have gotten very good and keep those memories buried. The first time through the steps, I was doing it to APPEAR like I wanted to become a better person. I was doing it because I had something to prove to someone. When I realized doing the steps wouldn't get me the result I was after with that person, I quit working the steps.   I didn't go back to drinking because I liked how I felt without alcohol, and liked myself much more than before, but I quit the program and that's what it takes to remain emotionally sober. This time around, I truly bel...

"MADE A LIST . . ." Made a list of all persons we had harmed, . . . — TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 77 When I approached the Eighth Step, I wondered how I could list all the things that I have done to other people since there were so many people, and some of them weren't alive anymore. Some of the hurts I inflicted weren't bad, but they really bothered me. The main thing to see in this Step was to become willing to do whatever I had to do to make these amends to the best of my ability at that particular time. Where there is a will, there's a way, so if I want to feel better, I need to unload the guilt feelings I have. A peaceful mind has no room for feelings of guilt. With the help of my Higher Power, if I am honest with myself, I can cleanse my mind of these feelings. Peace of mind has no room for guilt.  What a powerful statement. This weekend was a different sort of weekend for me.  I made full use of the opportunity to be honest, to say thing...

SEEDS OF FAITH Faith, to be sure, is necessary, but faith alone can avail nothing. We can have faith, yet keep God out of our lives. — TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 34 As a child I constantly questioned the existence of God. To a "scientific thinker" like me, no answer could withstand a thorough dissection, until a very patient woman finally said to me, "You must have faith." With that simple statement, the seeds of my recovery were sown! Today, as I practice my recovery – cutting back the weeds of alcoholism – slowly I am letting those early seeds of faith grow and bloom. Each day of recovery, of ardent gardening, brings the Higher Power of my understanding more fully into my life. My God has always been with me through faith, but it is my responsibility to have the willingness to accept His presence. I ask God to grant me the willingness to do His will. This one is a little different for me.  I can't remember a time where I didn't fe...

. . . TO BE OF SERVICE Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us. — ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 77 It is clear that God's plan for me is expressed through love. God loved me enough to take me from alleys and jails so that I could be made a useful participant in His world. My response is to love all of His children through service and by example. I ask God to help me imitate His love for me through my love for others. I feel this happening in me each day.  My gifts are adequate, but not astounding. I don't think I'll ever be the guy who is on stage changing people's lives with my words, but I'm not beating myself up about it.  I am just saying yes to service opportunities as I find them, or as they find me. I am dog-sitting for my best friend this week.  I didn't have to think about my answer.  "Of course I will" just rolled out of my mouth.  I'll be helping another friend chop down a tre...

WE BECOME WILLING . . . At the moment we are trying to put our lives in order. But this is not an end in itself. — ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 77 How easily I can become misdirected in approaching the Eighth Step! I wish to be free, somehow transformed by my Sixth and Seventh Step work. Now, more than ever, I am vulnerable to my own self-interest and hidden agenda. I am careful to remember that self-satisfaction, which sometimes comes through the spoken forgiveness of those I have harmed, is not my true objective. I become willing to make amends, knowing that through this process I am mended and made fit to move forward, to know and desire God's will for me. God has been grabbing my attention and shaking me out of my doldrums this last week.  I've always said He speaks to me through the people around me, but this week He has has been speaking through the words I read as well as conversations. I was joking around with my training partner this morning.  He said his di...