Cunning, Baffling, Powerful

I remember my mom telling me "You think you know what love is.....  then you have kids." For the longest time I believed that.  Then, I got happily divorced and was leading a happy single life with my two young (6 and 3) kids.  Shortly after I got my own house, my daughter turned 7 and then my son turned 4. Those were amazing times.  My daughter says her best memories are from that time. I was broke, but I was free.  I remember doing "campouts" on weekends in the living room with my kids.  We'd turn my futon into a tent and I'd cook in the fireplace. During a particularly bad hailstorm, we hid under the cargo cover of my truck and watched with the tailgate down.  We had so much fun for free.  My heart and my soul were free, and I lacked nothing to be happy. It was in that wholeness and freedom that I met my second wife.  I was competing in MMA and she in boxing.  We met at a gym and thought nothing of each other at first.  We j...

A SPIRITUAL AXIOM It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. — TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 90 I never truly understood the Tenth Step's spiritual axiom until I had the following experience. I was sitting in my bedroom, reading into the wee hours, when suddenly I heard my dogs barking in the back yard. My neighbors frown on this kind of disturbance so, with mixed feelings of anger and shame, as well as fear of my neighbors' disapproval, I immediately called in my dogs. Several weeks later the exact situation repeated itself but this time, because I was feeling more at peace with myself, I was able to accept the situation—dogs  will  bark—and I calmly called in the dogs. Both incidents taught me that when a person experiences nearly identical events and reacts two different ways, then it is not the event which is of prime importance, but the person's spiritual condition. Feelings come...

For the wise have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching becomes a regular habit, until he is able to admit and accept what he finds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong. — TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 88 I have more than enough to handle today, without dragging along yesterday's baggage too. I must balance today's books, if I am to have a chance tomorrow. So I ask myself if I have erred and how I can avoid repeating that particular behavior. Did I hurt anyone, did I help anyone, and why? Some of today is bound to spill over into tomorrow, but most of it need not if I make an honest daily inventory. "....if I make an honest daily inventory" That's the missing puzzle piece.  That's the "How".  How you let go.  How you reach radical acceptance. How you start each day as a clean slate and another chance to let God lead the way. I've found that the more I practice ...

SERENITY AFTER THE STORM Someone who knew what he was talking about once remarked that pain was the touchstone of all spiritual progress. How heartily we A.A.'s can agree with him. . . . — TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 93-94 When on the roller coaster of emotional turmoil, I remember that growth is often painful. My evolution in the A.A. program has taught me that I must experience the inner change, however painful, that eventually guides me from selfishness to selflessness. If I am to have serenity, I must STEP my way past emotional turmoil and its subsequent hangover, and be grateful for continuing spiritual progress. Stasis.  That's what my drinking was all about.  Life is ever changing, and i used to hate that.  Since we have absolutely no control over our surroundings, we can't prevent change.  I drank because I wanted to numb all my feelings about the things going on in my life.  I didn't want to face my part in a second divorce, in my...

As we work the first nine Steps, we prepare ourselves for the adventure of a new life. But when we approach Step Ten we commence to put our A.A. way of living to practical use, day by day, in fair weather or foul. Then comes the acid test: can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under all conditions? — TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 88 I know the Promises are being fulfilled in my life, but I want to maintain and develop them by the daily application of Step Ten. I have learned through this Step that if I am disturbed, there is something wrong with me. The other person may be wrong too, but I can only deal with my feelings. When I am hurt or upset, I have to continually look for the cause in me, and then I have to admit and correct my mistakes. It isn't easy, but as long as I know I am progressing spiritually, I know that I can mark my effort up as a job well done. I have found that pain is a friend; it lets me know there is something wron...