As we work the first nine Steps, we prepare ourselves for the adventure of a new life. But when we approach Step Ten we commence to put our A.A. way of living to practical use, day by day, in fair weather or foul. Then comes the acid test: can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under all conditions?
I've been on such a continual upswing with everything going on in my life. The power of prayerfully following the twelve steps has led to a richness in my life I've not had in many many years. Most importantly, my relationship with my children has become wonderful. I've worked hard enough and consistently enough to earn their forgiveness, love, and respect. They actually LOOK for me to be a father. I'm setting healthy boundaries with people in my life who don't understand the concept. My joy is rooted in my faith and my willingness to relinquish self-will each morning. This joy is so much stronger than a simple feeling. It is becoming my DNA.
Where I still struggle, as we maybe all do, is when something crops up to hurt my feelings, and I wonder why "that person" is such a jerk. It takes me too long to remember that I own my joy. I have no control of anyone, only of how I react to situations. As long as I can remember that sadness or the like are an indicator of MY need for spiritual examination, I can stay on this course. The critiallity of morning and evening prayer can't be over-stressed. It is my lifeline.
I don't stick with AA because I'm afraid to drink again. I stick with it because the richness of my life now is incomparable to the hollow, painful, isolated life I led before. A willingness to not drink is a small price to pay for developing this deep of a connection with my God, and finally being fit to serve all his wonderful creations.
— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 88
I know the Promises are being fulfilled in my life, but I want to maintain and develop them by the daily application of Step Ten. I have learned through this Step that if I am disturbed, there is something wrong with me. The other person may be wrong too, but I can only deal with my feelings. When I am hurt or upset, I have to continually look for the cause in me, and then I have to admit and correct my mistakes. It isn't easy, but as long as I know I am progressing spiritually, I know that I can mark my effort up as a job well done. I have found that pain is a friend; it lets me know there is something wrong with my emotions, just as a physical pain lets me know there is something wrong with my body. When I take the appropriate action through the Twelve Steps, the pain gradually goes away.
It has been a very long time since I've had any desire to drink. In fact, even when I drank over 18 months ago, I had no desire to. I was just so angry at everyone around me that I decided to hit the self destruct button. The good news is that experience was all the reminder I needed that emotional wellness and sobriety go hand in hand. That day is a perfect example of this daily reflection: "When I am hurt or upset, I have to continually look for the cause in me, and then I have to admit and correct my mistakes."I've been on such a continual upswing with everything going on in my life. The power of prayerfully following the twelve steps has led to a richness in my life I've not had in many many years. Most importantly, my relationship with my children has become wonderful. I've worked hard enough and consistently enough to earn their forgiveness, love, and respect. They actually LOOK for me to be a father. I'm setting healthy boundaries with people in my life who don't understand the concept. My joy is rooted in my faith and my willingness to relinquish self-will each morning. This joy is so much stronger than a simple feeling. It is becoming my DNA.
Where I still struggle, as we maybe all do, is when something crops up to hurt my feelings, and I wonder why "that person" is such a jerk. It takes me too long to remember that I own my joy. I have no control of anyone, only of how I react to situations. As long as I can remember that sadness or the like are an indicator of MY need for spiritual examination, I can stay on this course. The critiallity of morning and evening prayer can't be over-stressed. It is my lifeline.
I don't stick with AA because I'm afraid to drink again. I stick with it because the richness of my life now is incomparable to the hollow, painful, isolated life I led before. A willingness to not drink is a small price to pay for developing this deep of a connection with my God, and finally being fit to serve all his wonderful creations.
"I have no control over anyone." What a profound statement my friend. In sobriety, as I have continued to work the steps, I have had to ask myself "how is my life unmanageable without drinking?" The answer is that although I am.not drinking I am still powerless over people, situations, aND things. There are times in my sobriety where I feel vindicated to hold onto a resentment. I like the feeling of not liking someone who harmed me; however, when I start to think that way I see my disease. My alcoholism will attack me from many facets of my life. It can come back in the form of greed, vanity, lust, and other ways too. When I start to think those thoughts. I need to talk to another recovered alcoholic and bare my soul. I believe this is the acid test the daily reflection refers to. When I talk to a recovered alcoholic, he or she may be able to point out where I am focused on self, despite the fact that I feel my behavior is justified. "Love and tolerance. That is our code." It is not always an easy code to live by, but it keeps me sane and sober.
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