I've been dealing with a string of injuries and find myself still smiling, still striving, and still looking for ways to be of maximum service to everyone I encounter.
I just got results back on an MRI and was told I have a somewhat common degenerative condition in my neck. For the last couple of months, my right arm has been weak and my index finger and thumb numb. The numbness is growing and now my arm has a persistent feeling of pins and needles. The unusual thing is that I'm about 20 years too young to experience this. If left untreated, the condition could cost me the use of both arms or worse. I'm seeing a specialist on 11/30 to determine the best treatment options.
The way I see it, it is yet another chance to demonstrate that my body is simply an extension of my spirit. My strength is not flesh and bone, but faith and God's daily gift of grace. Each day is an opportunity to practice my submission of self-will and reliance on His will. Each day is an opportunity to experience the courage of letting go and simply following where God leads me.
Matthew 10:28
Do not be afraid of those who can kill the body but not the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.
Much as I love testing my limits, pushing myself to and sometimes beyond fatigue, I don't fear the possible limitations the future might bring. I will certainly pursue all reasonable treatment options, but not out of fear and not hopelessly. My body will be whatever God wills it to be.
I've known life with a desperate and fearful spirit. I've known a life out of fellowship with Christ and man. I've known a life without sobriety, hope, or purpose. These, my friends, are far worse than a broken or deteriorating body.
Back in June, I was at the beach with my son, and an ex and her two kids. My boy and I were way out toward the 3rd sandbar playing in the breakers. I heard some shouts for help, and saw a man and young woman further out than us. I told my son to head to the beach and I'd swim over to check it out.
When I got to them, I saw the girl was crying and they were both panicking. They were caught in a riptide and were exhausted from trying to swim back. The guy said "Please take my daughter!" She was maybe a little older than my daughter, and he a little older than me. I scooped her up and started swimming. When the breakers came, I'd hold her up over my head - that was enough to sink me to the bottom and allow me to walk submerged while she was above and able to keep breathing. I can't recall how long this took. I only recall the thoughts as I held my breathe and held her above the breakers. I knew God put me there. I knew I was a stronger swimmer than most, and generally stronger than most. I was there to be of service. I was there because I'd take action without thinking it through - without wondering "Can I really do this? Will I be safe?"
I eventually got the girl to about shin deep water and she started calming down. When she knew she was safe she said "Oh my God! DAD!!!" I told her to go rest up on the beach and I'd get him. I ran back till it got deep enough to swim. I kept swimming. The riptide had taken him further out.
Thankfully, he was just a bit smaller than me. I had him grab my shoulders and swam for an eternity. When the breakers hit, we tried to surf them, but the water was too deep so it just covered us. When I got shallow enough to touch bottom, I tried asking him to stand but he said his body had quit, so I carried him. We eventually got to the beach. His wife and daughter ran up and hugged him, both crying. They thanked me tremendously and the mom gave me a massive hug.
It was awkward for me, though I'm not sure why, so I just said "No problem. Glad to help" and wandered over to my group. The adrenaline dropped and I crashed. As I sat in my chair, the woman I was with asked what that was about. Incredulous, I asked "You didn't see me save both of their lives??? They almost drowned!" She just said nonchalantly "I wondered if that's what was happening."
I was seriously unsure if I had the strength to survive this, even though I knew I could save them. As I sat there, exhausted, the family came over to thank me again before they left. Again, more words of appreciation and even some tears from them; more silence from her. It bothered me for a bit that I got no validation from her, but then I remembered why I helped. I helped because they needed it and I was the only one willing to answer their calls for help.
With or without this flesh, I am still me. I am still a spirit that jumps in to help and considers what could have happened to me after I've helped. I'm still a man led by faith into action, still able to find a way to finish what is begun; not through my strength, not through my wisdom, not through my courage - through His!
I just got results back on an MRI and was told I have a somewhat common degenerative condition in my neck. For the last couple of months, my right arm has been weak and my index finger and thumb numb. The numbness is growing and now my arm has a persistent feeling of pins and needles. The unusual thing is that I'm about 20 years too young to experience this. If left untreated, the condition could cost me the use of both arms or worse. I'm seeing a specialist on 11/30 to determine the best treatment options.
The way I see it, it is yet another chance to demonstrate that my body is simply an extension of my spirit. My strength is not flesh and bone, but faith and God's daily gift of grace. Each day is an opportunity to practice my submission of self-will and reliance on His will. Each day is an opportunity to experience the courage of letting go and simply following where God leads me.
Matthew 10:28
Do not be afraid of those who can kill the body but not the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.
Much as I love testing my limits, pushing myself to and sometimes beyond fatigue, I don't fear the possible limitations the future might bring. I will certainly pursue all reasonable treatment options, but not out of fear and not hopelessly. My body will be whatever God wills it to be.
I've known life with a desperate and fearful spirit. I've known a life out of fellowship with Christ and man. I've known a life without sobriety, hope, or purpose. These, my friends, are far worse than a broken or deteriorating body.
Back in June, I was at the beach with my son, and an ex and her two kids. My boy and I were way out toward the 3rd sandbar playing in the breakers. I heard some shouts for help, and saw a man and young woman further out than us. I told my son to head to the beach and I'd swim over to check it out.
When I got to them, I saw the girl was crying and they were both panicking. They were caught in a riptide and were exhausted from trying to swim back. The guy said "Please take my daughter!" She was maybe a little older than my daughter, and he a little older than me. I scooped her up and started swimming. When the breakers came, I'd hold her up over my head - that was enough to sink me to the bottom and allow me to walk submerged while she was above and able to keep breathing. I can't recall how long this took. I only recall the thoughts as I held my breathe and held her above the breakers. I knew God put me there. I knew I was a stronger swimmer than most, and generally stronger than most. I was there to be of service. I was there because I'd take action without thinking it through - without wondering "Can I really do this? Will I be safe?"
I eventually got the girl to about shin deep water and she started calming down. When she knew she was safe she said "Oh my God! DAD!!!" I told her to go rest up on the beach and I'd get him. I ran back till it got deep enough to swim. I kept swimming. The riptide had taken him further out.
Thankfully, he was just a bit smaller than me. I had him grab my shoulders and swam for an eternity. When the breakers hit, we tried to surf them, but the water was too deep so it just covered us. When I got shallow enough to touch bottom, I tried asking him to stand but he said his body had quit, so I carried him. We eventually got to the beach. His wife and daughter ran up and hugged him, both crying. They thanked me tremendously and the mom gave me a massive hug.
It was awkward for me, though I'm not sure why, so I just said "No problem. Glad to help" and wandered over to my group. The adrenaline dropped and I crashed. As I sat in my chair, the woman I was with asked what that was about. Incredulous, I asked "You didn't see me save both of their lives??? They almost drowned!" She just said nonchalantly "I wondered if that's what was happening."
I was seriously unsure if I had the strength to survive this, even though I knew I could save them. As I sat there, exhausted, the family came over to thank me again before they left. Again, more words of appreciation and even some tears from them; more silence from her. It bothered me for a bit that I got no validation from her, but then I remembered why I helped. I helped because they needed it and I was the only one willing to answer their calls for help.
With or without this flesh, I am still me. I am still a spirit that jumps in to help and considers what could have happened to me after I've helped. I'm still a man led by faith into action, still able to find a way to finish what is begun; not through my strength, not through my wisdom, not through my courage - through His!
Wow, what a powerful story! I will be praying for your upcoming visit to the doctor. In our journey of sobriety, it is humbling to remember that our primary purpose is to be of service to God and our fellows. We do not always know what "maximum service" looks like or what that entails. I do hope to remain physically healthy for as long as possible, but regardless, of my physical conditionS I will still be able to spread my experience, strength, and hope with others even if my mobility were limited.
ReplyDeleteAs I read the story you shared about the man and daughter who were caught in rip tide, I could not help but think if how this disease is a rip tide of our sanity and soul. With every drink, I was pulled further into the grips of my alcoholism. I tried to fight the rip tide of alcoholism as best I could, but similar to what happened with the man you saved "my body quit" too. My body quit, my soul quit, and I was a broken mine resigned to die in the rip tide of my disease. I needed someone stronger to pull me out and in my case, that someone stronger came in the form of recovered alcoholicS with good sobriety who I met in the program.
Now that you have worked all 1e steps, you have developed yourself spiritually, just as you had developed your body to be an above average swimmer. Today, you and I are called to be fisher's of Men on God's shore. You and I MUST go out to the alcoholics caught in the rip tide of this disease to show them there is a way out. Our duty is to extend our hand to help, whether they choose to grab our hand and accept the help we offer is between them and their higher power, but you and I must NEVER tire of extending our hand.
Remember, you promised me that you would go to any length to get sober, just like I promised my sponsor. I have been presented with service opportunities over the last two weeks that certainly were not convenient. I wanted to stay in with my family, I wanted to watch college football games, and I wanted to enjoy the peace and comfort of my home and family, but it is only because of the program that I have a home and family to go to. We must extend our hand to our fellow alcoholics, where can you find that hand today?