Lord, make me a channel of thy peace—that where there is
hatred, I may bring love—that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of
forgiveness—that where there is discord, I may bring harmony—that where there
is error, I may bring truth—that where there is doubt, I may bring faith—that where
there is despair, I may bring hope—that where there are shadows, I may bring
light—that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek
rather to comfort than to be comforted—to understand, than to be understood—to
love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by
forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal
Life. Amen.
— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 99
No matter where I am in my spiritual growth, the St.
Francis prayer helps me improve my conscious contact with the God of my
understanding. I think that one of the great advantages of my faith in God is
that I do not understand Him, or Her, or It. It may be that my relationship
with my Higher Power is so fruitful that I do not have to understand. All that
I am certain of is that if I work the Eleventh Step regularly, as best I can, I
will continue to improve my conscious contact, I will know His will for me, and
I will have the power to carry it out.
I love this prayer and have quoted it often, but I've come to say something simpler in my own words, that works well with my faith and God as I understand him. In my morning prayers, I ask that God would fill me with the Holy Spirit, that the Spirit would guide me to words that speak life to anyone I interact with that day. To me, speaking life covers all the various details that St. Francis describes in his prayer above.
The thing I've learned, as my faith and self-worth have matured, is that I don't always have to give compliments or praise, or even agreement, if none is due. I can stand firm when I need to protect my self-respect or my boundaries. In situations at work, where there is no clear right or wrong, I can voice an opinion and then let go and happily accept any outcome and full support change.
I used to struggle with being a "pleaser" and putting too much value in the validation of others. This has been a life long struggle for me. I used to draw a lot as a kid. Like any kid, I used crayon, pencil, color pencils, ink, and kept at it through high school and moved on to pastel, oil, and even some acrylic. Looking back, I know I was talented from an early age; I even sold a piece in 8th grade. I remember quite a few times in elementary, I'd draw something at home and show it to my older brother. I'd ask if he liked it, and sometimes he'd tell me it was ugly. I don't know why, but his approval meant more to me than my parents. I'd cry and throw it away. I was only proud of myself if others were proud of what I'd done.
This isn't nearly the issue for me that it used to be. I've gotten better at it by simply learning to pray that the Holy Spirit would guide me to life-giving words, even when assessing myself. I'm learning to be objective in my failures and, just as importantly, in my successes.
The more I try to understand a person, try to hear their logic and try to experience the emotions they're feeling, the easier it is for me to take a back seat and offer genuine empathy. It becomes easier to respond, with words or actions, in a way that bridges the gap between me and my fellow man. That, to me, is what St. Francis' prayer is about.
Good post brother! I too craved validation from others, but similar to what happened to me when I drank alcohol, it was never enough. It used to drive me nutty to come to termS with the fact that no matter how smart I am, there will always be someone smarter; no matter how strong I am, there will always be someone stronger. Through working the steps, and developing a healthy relationship with my higher power, I am content with the person that I am today. Flaws and all.
ReplyDeleteI want to talk a little more in depth on the Prayer of St. Francis because I believe this prayer teaches us recovered alcoholicS a lot.
1. "It is in giving that we receive." There are various takes on the prayer of St. Francis and in the one that I am familiar with it states, "it is in giving that we receive." At the AA big book study last night at Graceland, we read a powerful line in one of the stories in the back of the book. "You said as long as I put AA first in my life, everything that I put second would ve first class. This has proved to be true over and over again. So I continued to put AA and God first, and everything I ever lost was returned many times over" (p. 337). This program and this prayer reminds me that is in giving that I receive. When I spend time working with another alcoholic I always get more out of it. As a testament to this, look at all that you gave in the program. You did the work that was asked of you, and now look at what you have received. This is a promise to us, in giving we receive. Whatever we put out into the universe, we receive in return. No good deed is ever wasted.
2. "It is in pardoning that we are pardoned." This is the essence of steps 8 and 9. These acts of forgiveness are more about us than the other person. We are cleaning our side of the street. This is not always easy. Lately in my personal life I have faced some challenging times, and I find my self praying the sick person prayer quite a lot. Last week, after a particular hectic day filled with frustration and disappointment, I got on a ski-erg here at work to work out and I repeated a very simple prayer, "Lord, forgive them, Lord, forgive me." With every pull I recited that rythmic prayer. At the end of the workout I felt much better. My pride sometimes clouds my judgement and inflates my ego and I think to myself, "I would never treat someone else the way this person is treating me." But the truth of the matter is that is my EGO telling me that. Of course I would treat others the way that sick person is treating me if I had the same life circumstances as that person and had no spiritual program. Watch for this subliminal pride my friend.
3. "When there is despair, let me bring hope." To me, this is essentially step 12. Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to ve of maximum service to God and the people about us. That means I must continue to live the AA way of life and work the 12 steps and go to meetings and do all of the things inside and outside of AA to "fit" myself to be of service. Remember, in meeting with a new Comer who is at his or her rock bottom, all they see in life is despair. Our job is to convince them that we have suffered as they have suffered we drank as they drank, but there is hope... there is A way out if they are willing to go to any lengths.