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Daily Reflections: Serentiy

SERENITY
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, . . .
— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 106
As I continued to go to meetings and work the Steps, something began to happen to me. I felt confused because I wasn't sure what it was that I was feeling, and then I realized I was experiencing serenity. It was a good feeling, but where had it come from? Then I realized it had come ". . . as the result of these steps." The program may not always be easy to practice, but I had to acknowledge that my serenity had come to me after working the Steps. As I work the Steps in everything I do, practicing these principles in all my affairs, now I find that I am awake to God, to others, and to myself. The spiritual awakening I have enjoyed as the result of working the Steps is the awareness that I am no longer alone.
Now that I've finally finished steps 4 and 5, I get it.  I get what having peace with my past is all about.  I grew up Catholic and used to practice confession, but it was never quite the same.  Working with my sponsor was a completely different experience, and required that I admit my mistakes, get to the root of my character defects that drove those behaviors, and see the trends. I had to put in work to make sure I left no stone unturned.  
For me, serenity is knowing I don't have to make the same mistakes again. Serenity is knowing I'm free to be free.  Free of shame, free from having to justify my bad behaviors, free to make amends when I do make mistakes.
The feeling of total honesty is new.  Being unafraid to shine a light on my mistakes and shortcomings is new.  I no longer feel fear or myself or of other knowing who I really am.

Comments

  1. UnknownDecember 3, 2016 at 7:01 PM

    My friend, it is good to read this! I am so glad to hear that you are feeling serenity as a result of these steps. As I often mention in meetings, I would not continue coming to meetings if this program did not work. Reading your post made me think of the 9th step promises, "we will know a new happiness...."

    Now, it is time to meet with your sponsor again and continue with the momentum you have gained. The peace you feel now having completed the 5th step will only increase exponentially by the time you get to your 9th step.

    With regard to the spiritual awakening, I would like to share my recent experience with you. I have never done a speaker meeting and was recently asked to share my story. I felt a nervousness as I had not felt in a while. Many people have heard bits and pieces of my story, but I have not chronicled my complete story since meeting my first sponsor. I consulted a close friend prior to speaking and ask what his experience was like. He said, "it's like having God reach inside of you, grab you by heart, and bring you closer Him than you've ever been before." I was nervous before speaking, but I trusted my higher power. To be honest, everything I rehearsed prior to the meeting went out of the window once I started. By the end of the meeting, I have a peace I had not felt since I worked the 5th step my very first time.

    I am proud of you and I am grateful to trudge the Road to happy destiny with you.

    ReplyDelete

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