When we developed still more, we discovered the best possible source of emotional stability to be God Himself. We found that dependence upon His perfect justice, forgiveness, and love was healthy, and that it would work where nothing else would. If we really depended upon God, we couldn't very well play God to our fellows nor would we feel the urge wholly to rely on human protection and care.
— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 116
It has been my experience that, when all human resources appear to have failed, there is always One who will never desert me. Moreover, He is always there to share my joy, to steer me down the right path, and to confide in when no one else will do. While my well-being and happiness can be added to, or diminished, by human efforts, only God can provide the loving nourishment upon which I depend for my daily spiritual health.
I love this reading. I've been struggling to articulate this to my son since he moved back home with me. The battle his mom and I always fought was one of principle. Her guiding principle is to do what makes you happy. Mine is to develop a set of beliefs (faith in God's will for me, in my case) and do that every day no matter how you feel.
Thanks to the wisdom of many recovered alcoholics, mentors in my church and at work, I've learned that developing my True North is the only way to ensure I can I have a chance at heading somewhere in life. And it isn't a guarantee, it's simply a chance.
I've cultivated a faith in God that, strengthened by seeing his work in my life, guides me each and every day. Don't get me wrong. I fail often, and I still sometimes fail big. But neither my successes nor my failures change my true North. Some days I wake up in a shit mood for no discernible reason, but I get up, I pray, I get to the gym, and make breakfast for me and my son, I get him to school, and I get myself to work. I get to church and an AA meeting once a week. I do those things as consistently as I can. When I drop any of it for whatever reason, my day is a little wonky; my joy is a little more conditional; my focus on doing God's will, and speaking words He'd have me say becomes more challenging.
The things that make me happy change from day to day. Chasing happiness and pleasure was the folly that fueled my alcoholism. The more I chased it, the more mess I made and the more out of control my life became. Life can't be a 24x7x365 party. I have to do what I believe matters every day. God has provided me with enough grace to start cultivating a joy in my life. It seems to me that this joy grows roots that make me even more grounded in my faith, more committed to following His will for my life, and more resilient when things invariably go wrong.
But that's just one of many beautiful consequences of a joy that grows from living consistent with my faith. When things go wrong, especially the things outside of my control, I just roll with it and find the good. I wrecked my car on Tuesday and I have no idea when it'll be fixed and driveable. I called Uber, got my son to school, got back home, and handled everything. I didn't lose my cool, didn't have a terrible day. I was just glad no one was hurt and that I have great insurance.
I'm still not where I want to be in life in some respects, but I am content to work like a man on fire every day for it, even if I never realize each and every goal.
I'm still not where I want to be in life in some respects, but I am content to work like a man on fire every day for it, even if I never realize each and every goal.
Excellent post my friend! With a little time in sobriety, I find it all too easy to want to plan out my day, or set expectations of people. I have found that people consistently let me down, even the ones I love the lost. The main reason for this is that one of my defects of character is perfectionism, and no one can live up to my expectations. This daily reflection reminds that I must rely entirely on my God. I had to quit playing God. My higher power provides what I need, not always what I want and that'S a good thing because some things I want are really not good for me.
ReplyDeleteIn the back of the book there is a story that contains a line that really stood out to me. I believe it's the story about the lady who said "when I control my drinking, I don't enjoy it, and when I enjoy my drinking I can't control it." Anyways in the story, the lady said, "I've learned that when I place God in my life, every thing that I place second is first class." That has been my experience in the program. When I put God first in my life and rely on Him, everything that I place second is first class. On the other hand, when I resort back to my own will, and I try to make shit happen, I get just that...shit.
This program states we claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. I will continue to fall short, but I will not stop trying daily to be who my higher power wants me to be .