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Daily Reflections: Loved Back to Recovery

Wow!  I haven't read a daily reflection in some months.  I chalked it up to business in my schedule, but that is only too convenient.  When I pull back the layers I can objectively say I've allowed other things to take priority.  I didn't manage my time effectively enough to get to bed at a reasonable time, to wake up early enough to train, or start my day with prayer or reading the daily reflection.

I am indeed busy, but I always make time for my son, my girlfriend, work, making meals, cleaning, etc.  I need to remember the desperation I had when I first sought sobriety.  I NEEDED prayer, meditation, and meetings the way I need oxygen, food, and shelter.

In any event, today's read is called Loved Back to Recovery, and it is beautiful in it's simplicity.

I could not will myself to sobriety.  I could not will myself to self-love. And for sure no one else's love could make me sober or bring me to self-love.

There is a direct correlation between reliance on my higher power and feeling His love for me. When I ran my life on self-will, I felt a general sense of unworthiness, and of course a compulsion to drink and sabotage myself.

Once I began to admit that self-will was the root of my failed efforts, I made the decision to allow God to direct my actions and lead me.  I had no courage, but the willingness of an utterly defeated man.  I would simply follow headlong without reservation, apprehension, or fear.  I was too defeated to be afraid anymore.

After a while, I noticed the ease with which actions fell into place when God directed them.  That turned my apathy into appreciation, and then into a renewed faith in His will for me to be of service anywhere He leads me.  That certainty led me to believe in His love for me, and ultimately my worthiness of being loved.

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