Our first objective will be the development of self-restraint.
— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 91
My drive to work provides me with an opportunity for self-examination. One day while making this trip, I began to review my progress in sobriety, and was not happy with what I saw. I hoped that, as the work day progressed, I would forget these troublesome thoughts, but as one disappointment after another kept coming, my discontent only increased, and the pressures within me kept mounting.
I retreated to an isolated table in the lounge, and asked myself how I could make the most of the rest of the day. In the past, when things went wrong, I instinctively wanted to fight back. But during the short time I had been trying to live the A.A. program I had learned to step back and take a look at myself. I recognized that, although I was not the person I wanted to be, I had learned to not react in my old ways. Those old patterns of behavior only brought sorrow and hurt, to me and to others. I returned to my work station, determined to make the day a productive one, thanking God for the chance to make progress that day.
This daily reflection is a great reminder. As I've said before, alcohol is no longer my problem. My problem is my selfish way of thinking. I need to always put forth effort to keep my thoughts in check, to live as a servant, without ego, without self-serving motives.
As long as I continue to uplift others at work and in my personal life, not for personal accolades, but because it is right, then I have hope to live a meaningful life with strong relationships.
I used to have a hard time practicing self-restraint with someone I cared about. This was especially true with women. If I cared for a woman, I'd do things for her even to my own detriment. I'm now at a place where I can say what I can and can't do, without fear of "losing her". I just do my best, because a person deserves it, and expect nothing in return. My motives are becoming closer to pure. My happiness and contentment are growing. My friendships are strengthening.
I'm deeply grateful for my friend who brought me to AA over two years ago. I shudder to think who I'd be had I not crossed paths with her. We haven't spoken in quite some time, but I'm still grateful for the purpose we served in each other's lives.
Wow, what a powerful message! Before the program, I considered myself quite altruistic; however, in retrospect, even when attempting to be altruistic, I was really self seeking. "Look how much good I do for people, look how amazingly humble I am" were my regular thoughts. It was not until I adopted this new way of life and begin living on the fourth dimension that I began to know true altruism.
ReplyDeleteSelf restraint, much like muscles on our body, can only be increased by practicing it regularly. In the past, I knew what comment to make that would cut right to the core of the other person, and when I felt threatened or hurt I would use this to emotionally hurt the othere person. Slowly, I began trying to refrain from making this remarks to loved ones, then I began holding my tongue with coworkers on a more regular basis. Now, when I'm having an intense conversation with someone I ask myself, "ten years from now, will this conversation be that important? Does it really matter that I didn't have the last word? Am I being too proud to admit I am wrong?" After reflecting on the aforementioned questions, I more often than not hold my tongue. Then, if I find myself troubled or resentful, I immediately proceed to do a fourth step right then and there. This method has revolutionized my way of life!