When I get bogged down in my thoughts, in my desires, in my expectations of situations or of others, I loose my happiness.
Last time around, I lost focus on everything it took to remain emotionally sober. I fell back into the mental habits of a broken person, though I didn't fall back into drinking. When my anger finally consumed me, I chose to drink to "show them". So here I am, working on my sobriety, knowing that it must always come first in order to be happy in any situation.
Monday and Tuesday were difficult days. I found myself staring my recent past square in the face trying to change it. but what's done and gone is done and gone. I had been wanting to dwell in the shadows of my past instead of doing the work to stay in the light of today. God brings me all the blessings I need today, and I have faith He will bring me good even from the difficulties I've created for myself. The thing is I need be HERE NOW to see these blessings and take action.
I'm so grateful for the people in my life today, grateful for the journey, and grateful for AA and my sponsor. Praying for yesterday is no more than a daydream. Becoming who you should have been last year is a waste of time, effort, and means you won't be the person you are meant to be today.
I pray for the happiness, success, and contentment of the people who have passed through my life. I pray I have the courage to be the man God ordained me to be today. I pray that I can stay here, not worried about tomorrow, not lamenting the past, and embracing everyone in my life today.
Thank you for posting this; it was truly insightful. I wanted to elaborate on something that you mentioned. You said, "when I get bogged down in my thoughts, in my desires, in my expectations of situations or of others, I loose my happiness." In my experience in sobriety, this is a very true statement! I believe that I am responsible for my own happiness. Nobody has the power to "put me in a bad mood." If the actions of others hurt me, I must consciously choose forgiveness; for if I do not, feelings of anger and resentment will begin to fester and may eventually lead to drink. And for me, to drink is to die. I have often struggled with this notion because in my early months and years of sobriety I thought that just because I was sober, everyone else in the world should try this way of life and live up to my expectations; however, I learned that although I am sober, there are still some very spiritually sick people in the world! Love and tolerance are my choice on a daily basis, so when others wrong me, I choose to recognize that they are sick and I immediately begin to pray for them.
ReplyDeleteWith regard to the daily reflection, I have witnessed the ripple effect in my life. As I mentioned in the above paragraph, when I got sober I was of the opinion that EVERYONE should also be sober because this way of life is so amazing; however, I quickly realized that not everyone WANTS sobriety. In working with other alcoholics, I quickly realized that I could not make them want sobriety. All that I could do as a sponsor was show them what my sponsor showed me with regard to getting sober by working the steps, but it was up to them to put the effort into the program. The twelve traditions of the program mention that we practice attraction rather than promotion! When I live the program and practice its principles in all of my affairs, my internal happiness becomes externally apparent and people around me begin to wonder "how can this man be so happy all the time without drinking?" Over time, this seed begins to spout in their minds and if they possess the willingness they will approach me and ask me why I am so happy and what I do to stay happy. If I choose, I share my experience strength and hope with that person and tell them that I am happy because I work the steps and have found a new way of life. If they want what I have, I would be happy to show them how I arrived where I am at today...but it is up to them to choose this way of life.